Sometimes you just need to slow down.
There’s been silence on this blog for the past week. Aside from my net worth update, I haven’t been able to bring myself to write. Every time I’ve sat down to do so, I’ve ended up moving that post to the trash. Now, finally, almost a week later I’m finally writing, and here’s what I’ve got to say.
I’m Tired
Since December, I’ve basically been going nonstop. I’ve been training for my half marathon, working full time, planning my wedding, and pouring another ten to fifteen hours a week of time into my blog and other side hustles. I’m typically out of bed at around 7am everyday and don’t stop moving until 10pm every night. It was fine at first, but lately I’ve been feeling the strain.
It wasn’t until last weekend, when I injured myself running and decided to take week off, that I realized just how tired I’ve been of constantly being on the go. Then, when I contemplated not doing the half marathon and dropping down to one of the shorter distances offered on race day, I felt a totally unexpected emotion. I felt relieved.
It was at that moment that I realized my heart wasn’t in my half marathon training and that it hadn’t been for awhile. I then started looking around at other aspects of my life and realized that I’ve been going through the motions like an automated robot for awhile now. I’m not taking very much joy from my day to day routine, and that has to change.
All Work and No Play
Partially, I think its because I’m over scheduled. I’ve had almost every minute of my day planned for the last three months, which has taken all semblance of spontaneity out of my life. When someone invites me an event, my first thought is “How am I going to fit that into my schedule?”
There’s another reason I’m feeling this way: I have a serious case of frugal fatigue. I’ve been so hardcore with not spending any money, that lately its begun to wear on me. My little house has started to feel so small and dingy, and I sincerely resent not having money to spend on making it a little nicer.
A New Direction
So, based on these realizations, I know things need to change. I don’t want to be an automated gremlin who grumbles about time and money when someone invites me out to dinner. I don’t want to look at running as a chore, I don’t want to look at spending time with my fiance as another hour long appointment in my evening. Even my full time job, that I was so into just a few months ago, has become routine and boring to me.
I want to feel enthusiastic, energetic, and engaged. Anything that doesn’t contribute to those feelings, needs to go.
No, I’m not quitting the blog. 
I am going to post pone my half marathon training though. Instead of running 21.1km on May 17th, I’m going to run the 5km event instead. I’m going to keep running until then, but I’m going to forget about times, and heart rates, and paces, and just concentrate on running for the fun of it.
I had a hard time making this decision, until I realized that I entered that race because it was something I wanted to do. Now, I no longer want to do it, so what’s the point of continuing the training if my heart isn’t in it? Pride? A sense of commitment? Those aren’t good enough reasons for me. The 5k event will be easy, super fun, and a great way to kick off a wonderful weekend in my favorite city, and a great way to relax before my wedding just three weeks later.
I’m also going to ease up on the frugality for awhile. I’m going to scratch my consumption itch. My fiance recently made me a cute little home office out of our loft storage space. Its a tiny little space, I can’t even stand all of the way up without banging my head on the ceiling, but its my own space in our small house and I want to pour a bit of money into furnishing it.
I’m not going to take any money away from debt repayment, but I am going to reroute half of my freelance earnings to my personal chequing account. This way I’ll be able to keep on paying off debt, while sprucing our little cottage up.